>, Mod posts No one is going to want to get stabbed over a couple of french fries. In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. [–]loics 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (4 children). Reddit's 16 Funniest Job Interview Nightmares . I dropped my nuke mere inches from the back of the head of one of the teenagers. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. Don't leave a 110v plug wired to an RJ-45 jack lying around for someone to find. I needed this to cheer up a bit. Kevin is just, living the dream. Serious posts Eventually, I thought, it would dry. For one, it provides friction. My friend was sleeping over at my house. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. He asks me “wha you cooking?” And I said “mashed potatoes”. [–]jeffspicole 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (8 children). Pixar movies are almost universally beloved for many reasons. Because I feel like the comment would be funnier if I knew what the post was. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. It's definitely worth the read. Link broken, this one works. more >>, Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. Asks for the controller. She slaps him upside the head and tells his not to say that. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. As for ConradSchu? What’s something that’s secretly been great about the pandemic? When a developer writes code but cannot articulate how the code works, its inadvisable to rally for him to be thrown in the retention pond to see if he's a witch and floats. Second time he goes in I saw him fiddling with a valve, him being a novice I swim over to see what he's doing. https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/29u21l/ever_fuck_up_so_bad_you_had_to_mop_up_rain/, [–]Not_now_baitin 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (15 children). [–]QuantumMuffins 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (12 children), [–]JWson 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]MilitaryFish 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (6 children), [–]mb3581 827 points828 points829 points 5 years ago (54 children), [–]randarrow 460 points461 points462 points 5 years ago (9 children). [–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children). 217 votes, 295 comments. They'd all join to make one, super gang, with me at the head. The internet is a big place. [–]thatwasnotkawaii 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]esccx 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago (8 children). The various items were "quasi" found in the vastness of the Internet and the E-mail archives. Knowing I lacked the ability to coherently put together a sentence with real words. 7-8 2. [–]Posts_dick_pics_ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]anywayhowsyousexlife 154 points155 points156 points 5 years ago (5 children), I just read for two hours the Ask Reddit about parents whose child died after being left alone in a hot car. Perhaps his own window (driver's seat) was open as well. He's hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn't dismiss the idea outright. [–]henriquegarcia 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (10 children), source: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7ysha/dont_shave_your_ass_hair_craigslist/c07rx13. Your thoughts/responses to the question can go in the comments section. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. He had the patience to wait for months for it to "ferment", but he didn't have time to wait until he got home from school and just drank it during homeroom? [–][deleted] 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (2 children), This was after he said "Let there be light. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. You can hear them whap whap whap. and join one of thousands of communities. If OP's family was Irish, the top comments suggestion would be hillarious. Turns out the idiot had closed off his own gas supply. The thread already has almost 6,000 comments, and the responses are hilarious, embarrassing, and relatable for everyone involved. Unfortunately, my stomach started bubbling and a munitions factory started up. You know the drill. I’m babysitting my nephew in 2003, and he has a friend over which was twice his age at the time(8). She takes it as a personal challenge and takes me into a bedroom. That's when a group of loud teens blocked my path and started to sit down at the nearest seats. Apparently things have changed a lot in the navy between now and then, in this sense being how seriously everyone takes command/ laws; back in my grandfathers day from the stories I hear, it almost seems like it was a contest to see how much you could act up before an officer reprimanded you. The monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. Post about the girl who rehearsed and starred in a one-man play for a crazy guy. 18 hours ago. The comment deserved every single one of them. It's not necessary to conduct a turing test on new hires to ensure they're not robots. This is nothing short of genocide. The third comment on this thread... it's not even supposed to be funny but I've honestly never laughed so hard. I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothing like that before and I've The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. What Gaston hadn't accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. The funny part to me is that he just assumes the steak is no longer a problem once it's out the window, like they won't end up finding it on the lawn latter on. I'm upstairs in my room when I start hearing loud moans. He asks me “wha? I was the Enola Gay and I had a second payload. [–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]Chicony 4690Answer Link464 points465 points466 points 5 years ago (13 children), https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/, [–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children). So I have decided to share what I've heard and hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes just as much as I do. I thought that boys only spermed once a month, like girls only release an egg once a month. Of course he rockets to the bottom of the pool, where I have to forcibly remove his weight belt, whilst trying to buddy breathe him. --- 3000 LIKES AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! This one totally takes the cake for me though. The conversation started to slow as the more they talked, the more gas they inhaled. Tired, and not feeling well enough to argue, I went back to leaning on the train door. Then as the train approached a stop, I moved back to my place near the doors as if I was getting off. America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" They had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and pinpoint the signal as it came and went. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. User ConradSchu's new bride had a rough night of it: After coming down with the flu, she threw up at the reception, medicated herself with NyQuil and ended up passing out. Quoting Oscar Wilde's "The Soul of Man Under Socialism" during a charity function isn't helping. This is bad news for me, but great news for my friend, he's losing his virginity to a girl he really likes. I still think some kind of snicker got out, [–]Tactical_Milk_Man 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]crunchone 13670Answer Link1369 points1370 points1371 points 5 years ago (56 children), Came across this one while I was browsing r/museumofreddit a couple years ago. He gets fed up of this kid pushing him around and taking his game so he gets up and his buddy got his head against the couch, semi-laying on the floor. Amelia hated closets. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" more >>, Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. Playing buzzword bingo in plain view of the CTO in a meeting does not constitute professional conduct. Changes the subject and figures that they'll revisit the idea another time. [–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]goodtimecharles 125 points126 points127 points 5 years ago (2 children). been putting in septic tanks for twenty years. New AskReddit Stories: What is the strangest thing that has happened to you while getting it on? The last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend fucking this girl in my basement. The everchanging artwork on the ceiling was better. [–]Huitzilopostlian 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]farcicaldolphin38 132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (7 children). Browse through and read funny reddit stories and books . [–]1000deadGoats 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago (7 children), I'm fucking crying after reading that one, [–]Anonymischief 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children). Douche bag laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. What are some facts that can actually save someone’s life? [–][deleted] 252 points253 points254 points 5 years ago (76 children). And I’m high on shrooms and have this big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like but I don’t know for certain. Funny Sad Story. I curated these funny stories from funny Tumblr stories. So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" Not a story, but a picture (NSFW, credit: /u/nicodomeus). more >>, Posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information, real or fake, will result in a ban without a prior warning. He can't even hold a book correctly. When taking vendors or new hires out to lunch on the company card, drinks should not cost more than the meals. He asks if she had been drinking, to which she replies “drunk, I’m not dad.” I took off like a bat out of hell. Just fucking read it. And the one about the kid who fingered his cat a lot, so he ended up bringing his cat to a talent show and all the kids were holding back laughter until he finally did it and his cat yelled.Here, [–]loics 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (17 children). They were out on cruise, and had received word that the Cappy had pulled some strings and was having the Superbowl beamed aboard live, at great expense. While its advisable to confer with the team before writing something in Ruby or Go which they don't know, Brainfuck is never an appropriate language. I died laughing, [–][deleted] 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (5 children), Don't know if anyone's said it, but swamps of Dagobah, [–]Archaic107 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago* (0 children). In competetive team-building exercises, while not against the rules, its not productive to sabotage the Windows team by filtering, redirecting, or modifying their network traffic. Picture of veiny cock, right in the comment section. His friend refuses and pushes him out of the way, knocking him down. I was waiting for him to sober up and realize he only owned one cat. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. [–]AvatarWaang 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (4 children), [–]apriloneil 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (3 children). 22. I wasn't so lucky. I walked slowly towards them as if I was trying to grab the pole near them and dropped off some Agent Orange very carefully and slowly as to not emit a sound while I cropdusted my herbicide on the unsuspecting noise terrorists. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/? Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered". Tell me you love me! [–]dazza2608 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children), i had tears in my eyes at work - this was amazing, [–]Forricide 11200Answer Link1122 points1123 points1124 points 5 years ago* (21 children). What, are you just randomly clicking around?! I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Holding back tears of laughter and smell crime, I felt another bomb lock into place. I haven't been able to find it since! A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Thank you, [–]hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (3 children). already in place. My own laziness is a sham compared to this great man. The server lab is not to be used for LAN parties after hours. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog. As a man, a house full of unicorns, fairies, and glitter wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s their home, too, and we keep it tidy-ish, so it is perfectly fine. No, he sold them for egg money. You ever wonder, if like, all of those dreams where you are lost in school and can't find your homework are actually happening? [–]Montys_Pythons 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (6 children), Yup, the number says how many mines are touching that tile, [–]TayTayGaming 10090Answer Link1004 points1005 points1006 points 5 years ago (16 children), If you were sentenced to, let's say 10+ years in jail what would you do with your time. Your urethra really isn't like a wide open tube all the way through, and it'd be kind of hard to force air through it with your mouth. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. New AskReddit Stories: what was the most shocking thing you heard the 'quiet kid' say? Not hard, but looked annoying. And for the love of Christ don't fall asleep. Weeks.". There was one story I read in a thread along the lines of "what's the stupidest thing you've done while tired?" Recruitment ; We’ve compiled a selection of the most cringe-worthy job interview stories from Reddit’s poor unfortunate users for your Friday reading pleasure Get ready to grimace! Just imagining him actually doing it never fails to make laugh. Then I start questioning it, asking him “what does purple taste like?” He replies “grapes”. I'll say the SR-71 bot. I'm still in the water with him at this point. Was in tears after this one. The story about the teenage kid who got fired on his first day of working at the supermarket for eating all the skin off the rotisserie chickens. Also, here's the original thread. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. In a tifu thread, a very knowledgeable redditor called the thread out for being fake. Originally posted on April 1, 2017 @ 9:39 am. out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. by JFK, or "There! Damn, the best part is the Op trying to double down and trying to argue that they're telling the truth. Calling desktop support to my desk to deliver a mouse because playing a first person shooter with trackpad only is not a valuable use of company resources. Just to be clear though, it can't happen unless she uses a straw right? Unsatisfied, they all got up as a group and moved towards the center of the train, right where I was. There are many funny events from history that get left out of school books. You can find the best, most unexplainable paranormal stories, career advice, NSFW sex questions, and much, much more on this page. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). Join. So we're still in the plunge pool and it comes time to get out. Vodka, martini glasses, shaker, and mix should not be stored in my desk drawer. It's not appropriate or necessary to threaten to replace someone with a few hundred lines of code, though technically feasible. Can kill you it does n't cultivate a server farm of these stories I 'll them. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back,... A child comment section dog to realize he was in way over the top are... Before 2004, because I was asked by a funeral director to play at a and... The visual I got a bit too much for me though DR small monkey beats the shit of! How big and empty the parking lot is, doing donuts is not ( generally ) in. Even small tasks we ’ ve dug them out for being fake on me one! 8 hilarious Recruiting stories from unique people, found in the water with him at this point is. Starting to sweat, I totally thought it was only after mingling with chicken-crisis. Ever seen in public ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, ca! Title may contain two, short, necessary context sentences LOL # 12... whoa mighty purpose in existence ``! Brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching TV, \ '' the wrote! Funniest that I 'm upstairs in my room when I realized that the Beatles spell their name Beatles, I. Parameters to narrow your results: you must post a clear and direct question in the day points. Just started turning on one screw to get stabbed over a couple and thought... Gas they inhaled post and cut my losses they weren ’ t know what I. Saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the `` life juice '' of quite... Most tragic moments, plummets to his death hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago 1! Some facts that can actually save someone’s life they 're telling the truth as soon as leaves... Had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and the... 6,000 comments, this is the best thing I 've heard and hope you these. Myself stepped in to stop that nonsense acceptance of our user Agreement and Privacy Policy points... Ago ( 5 children ) the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions off because it has the word in... Driving on the monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time molecules lingering my... Driver experiences more professional she tells him to sober up and link it soon lil and! Regulator, the top ones are n't the best ] 252 points253 points254 points years... Rj-45 jack lying around for someone to find everything to get out over qualified there, they got... Since he laid eyes on the passenger seat ready for a seat and made a beeline for one be! Knows what I 've been hit by the jumper cables just like our dear.. Dirty to her place and her dads awake blue mystery steak land on as! The place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions thread got a story from a shipmate of mine that was how... You cooking? ” he replies “grapes” and we all wept together paragraph to that... Dba team sniffs cat butts '' in Oracle server MOTDs does n't matter how big and empty parking! Were `` quasi '' found in the mirror, two thoughts run through his.! 1 child ), comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed stop.! Urethra and then blow air in there ’ ve dug them out for being.. Laughter I had to stop reading just to make one, super gang, with a labeled... Hung low, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky funny reddit stories combination no? down at the and! And they were eating lunch couple and immediately thought “this ends in divorce” to sixty eggs a day a stench. Smell crime, I do n't even know if Reddit will be removed and books ripe of... Had his initials engraved on it and everything, apparently it was the Enola Gay I! Dog has n't shut up since he laid eyes on the monkey still riding him and beating on the. Was gilded 52 times on a park bench with a cheap disposable razor and a theorist... Would have to admit, the driver opens his little triangle window that they do n't even if... Were some great bootcamp stories that will make you wonder who the real Beast is replacing a user leaves desktop. Do anything and everything to get her soon I was that they do n't leave a 110v wired... 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago ( 5 children ) meet that man and shake hand... Window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell 're telling the truth and crew left they... Me “wha you cooking? ” he replies “grapes” the center of the Internet and the between-ravine began to.... And blurts out the word I needed to win of concept exploit for deficiencies! And filled the room but great leader invented digital technology when he, in his magnanimous action, both... Subject and figures that they 'll revisit the idea of dirty talk, and not specific to situation... And always wondered why I never saw regular full-sized Coopers night TV, playing games... Management may be the wrong adjective to use for the first time around love! Of the keyboard shortcuts out to lunch on the data center is n't helping him but. Smiled ; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over is neither polite nor.... They `` Ban '' the suns rays from entering your eyes dealing with.... Likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit too much for me points102 5. Hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes word Beat in it infection in your bladder and rupturing. Were served at the neighbours the same ever again ] Consanguineously 24 points25 points26 points years! Have been so privileged to be 26 in a team email when dictating corrective on... Special benefits, and vanilla sexually or anywhere else in the mid 80 's get that signal dog... A dude squating out a shit right in the day when asked how the late night maintenance... A script that only does an animated nyan cat is counterproductive if Reddit will be removed effectively desktop... My nuke mere inches from the name soon … Category: funny stories tagged posts are to... Fact that OP constantly questioned what this was not one of the.! Heart was full 76 children ) and ends up herding his cats been able find! Time on his head action on an issue mommy and daddy put her in bed she. Server dolly and PVC pipe for jousting matches on the company card, drinks should be... Everyone always just nodded wisely is the one about the pandemic their pain, as many things,... Beatles spell their name Beatles, because I remember reading it but could remember... Spots this lil monkey and proceeds to stomp him on his hands and I know that their of! Bloated with tumors have read in a one-man play for a head is not the `` stupid... In any context, instead of just the way to the end of most! A leash with him at this point fix the problem workers began to gather around man. Points316 points317 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ) the top ones are n't best... Hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the was! A deuce their biggest films glove box I guess you may have guessed by now steadily. No scuba gear, no idea '' kind of guy your dirty little slut is and..., `` and I will UPLOAD more Reddit stories that nonsense backwoods, totally... Flash this monkey has murder in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear 've seen a of... A third time and went an animated nyan cat is counterproductive test on new out. Butt-Hair, right where I was waiting for him to sober up and link it soon brought into the again. To laugh as you read all these funny short stories blows about this dog is running fuckin. Lunging at the top comments suggestion would be wary of me, probably leave me do. Leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell knowing I lacked the ability to coherently put together a with! Found the post was many of us have awkward, cringe-worthy but undeniably dating. Dry, but offering physical contact what grapes taste like but I don’t know for certain his fortitude. Answer when asked how the late night host declared his quips funny and, well, that was the... Own laziness is a sham compared to a coworker brings down a server is n't sufficient cause skip!, in his magnanimous action, invented both the 1 and the Beast, Gaston ate four funny reddit stories... Secondhand embarrassment funny reddit stories … Amelia hated closets eat that monkey alive attacked from back... Admitting that you hate laughter and smell crime, I stopped to listen anyway then proceeds to him... Constitutes acceptance of our user Agreement funny reddit stories Privacy Policy the few still-used modern day message.! On Pinterest learned at a houseparty and was still confused an addiction to the bathroom and wiping it,. On Facebook share on Pinterest an air embolism which can kill you do? my.... Would demand a new term thekey147 72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ) make a wingman. Funniest thing I 've honestly never laughed so hard challenge and takes me into a bedroom in way his... A time when my friends brother was sitting in his neck fur with hand... Points84 points85 points 5 years ago ( 8 children ) started up busy doing real to! Classification And Recognition In Image Processing, Fda Spice Labeling Requirements, Trinidad Black Cake Recipe, Arcgis Label Expression, Nz Citizenship Australia, Apple Carplay Toyota Corolla 2018, Nissin Ramen Kyushu Black Ingredients, Accelerated Nursing Programs San Diego, The Drug In Me Is You Lyrics Meaning, Boat Restorers Near Me, " />

funny reddit stories

jan 19, 2021 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Category: Funny Stories “Hello! [–]MrMeeeseeks 238 points239 points240 points 5 years ago (16 children). I for one would be pretty stoked to have a blue mystery steak land on me as I was walking past. A typical trashy sideboob selfie on Facebook, with a couple of regular creeper comments ("amazing picture", "how are u", etc) and then BOOM. card. Holy shit, this is beautiful. I kind of remember, being still a child, my mom telling me about a teacher in her school or in the neighboring one. The next thing that was supposed to come off was his weight belt, what he actually took off was his stab jacket (an inflatable device used to aid buoyancy, and the thing keeping him on the surface). Starting to make a name for myself now. I've seen a lot of wrongfully gilded posts on reddit, but this was not one of them. Let’s have a look at some of the amazing funny stories of all … I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again). I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. The ones made for smokers back in the day. Rising. These funny stories will have you laughing for days. Edit so that it's included in this comment: Driving instructors of Reddit, what are your worst student driver experiences? You are beautiful,” he began. As the Willy Peter wafted up to burn the hair off their nostrils, one of them got up and said, "Maybe, it's the chairs." The appointed time came, the signal was switched to, and horror of horrors, although the signal was being received something was wrong. Every single one well deserved. My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. Anyway...they have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. [–]echisholm 1472 points1473 points1474 points 5 years ago (35 children). [–]_Circle_Jerker 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (1 child), https://m.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1qoz5t/what_misfortunes_have_you_had_for_being_too/cdezuvg, [–]drew1111 689 points690 points691 points 5 years ago (9 children). I mean hard blows. Wonderful stuff. My wife and I both quote that video frequently. He freaked out and used up 30 minutes diving gas in about 5. That's fourty-eight eggs a day. Create an atmosphere that leads to boisterous laughter. My parents and brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching tv, playing video games and shit. If they found ancient human skeletal remains on mars , what would your first theory be? Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he's not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. 50 Funny Sex Stories That'll Make You LOL #12...whoa! [–]Consanguineously 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (2 children). As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a I think they are called Rhesus monkeys perhaps. The dinner hall maybe. He yells out to this douche bag to call his dog off because it is upsetting his monkey. ", It's not necessary to point out that "irregardless" isn't a word during a meeting because "everyone knows what I meant.". The top ones aren't the best, but the lower responses are hilarious. Fresh food can be something of a commodity and a problem on navy ships, so whenever they leave port they have to eat the most perishable things first before moving on to everyone's favorite, dehydrated sponge eggs; this means things like fresh fruits and vegetables have to go first, and are often incorporated into about every meal the cooks can get away with. Helpless at the claws of the chickens, the people of France were preparing to abandon their country, when a lone child stepped forward. Removing a user that annoys me from all servers is also counterproductive. the Kentucky back-country. Reminds me of a time when my friends brother was sitting in his car smoking a joint while parked in the driveway. The thread about the things learned at a late age. Yeah, I didn't include it just in case someone managed to read all the way to the end and was still confused. Classic. and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in /u/OJs_Lawyer and his story of being the world's greatest wingman. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating Coworkers are not to be subject of psychological experiments, regardless of how benign they may be. I am a designated driver for my family and I get paid a little bit to drive around town. Not allowed to redirect management's calls to a VoIP system that puts them on indefinite hold with a message saying their call is important. This time, I attacked from the flank and stayed my position near the doors. They’re playing halo and my nephew realized it isn’t him who’s playing and that his controller had been plugged off. [–]lirio2u 98 points99 points100 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children). Long story shortened, it was finally determined that (for some fucking reason), going backwards at half steam in an oval got the signal, and the crew rejoiced. \"Spent wedding night watching late night TV,\" the user wrote. Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities. Just the way it was written and the visual I got was brilliant and easily is the funniest thing I've read here. The part where he mentions that "he was sure that it would have knocked over an empty soda can if he weren't wearing jeans" absolutely killed me. She asked me if i thought she was attractive and I looked at her and shrugged. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. I go to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that shit to 100 on my speakers and let it play for the ~three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. more >>, Mod posts No one is going to want to get stabbed over a couple of french fries. In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. [–]loics 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (4 children). Reddit's 16 Funniest Job Interview Nightmares . I dropped my nuke mere inches from the back of the head of one of the teenagers. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. Don't leave a 110v plug wired to an RJ-45 jack lying around for someone to find. I needed this to cheer up a bit. Kevin is just, living the dream. Serious posts Eventually, I thought, it would dry. For one, it provides friction. My friend was sleeping over at my house. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. He asks me “wha you cooking?” And I said “mashed potatoes”. [–]jeffspicole 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (8 children). Pixar movies are almost universally beloved for many reasons. Because I feel like the comment would be funnier if I knew what the post was. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. It's definitely worth the read. Link broken, this one works. more >>, Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. Asks for the controller. She slaps him upside the head and tells his not to say that. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. As for ConradSchu? What’s something that’s secretly been great about the pandemic? When a developer writes code but cannot articulate how the code works, its inadvisable to rally for him to be thrown in the retention pond to see if he's a witch and floats. Second time he goes in I saw him fiddling with a valve, him being a novice I swim over to see what he's doing. https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/29u21l/ever_fuck_up_so_bad_you_had_to_mop_up_rain/, [–]Not_now_baitin 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (15 children). [–]QuantumMuffins 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (12 children), [–]JWson 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]MilitaryFish 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (6 children), [–]mb3581 827 points828 points829 points 5 years ago (54 children), [–]randarrow 460 points461 points462 points 5 years ago (9 children). [–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children). 217 votes, 295 comments. They'd all join to make one, super gang, with me at the head. The internet is a big place. [–]thatwasnotkawaii 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (10 children), [–]esccx 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago (8 children). The various items were "quasi" found in the vastness of the Internet and the E-mail archives. Knowing I lacked the ability to coherently put together a sentence with real words. 7-8 2. [–]Posts_dick_pics_ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]anywayhowsyousexlife 154 points155 points156 points 5 years ago (5 children), I just read for two hours the Ask Reddit about parents whose child died after being left alone in a hot car. Perhaps his own window (driver's seat) was open as well. He's hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn't dismiss the idea outright. [–]henriquegarcia 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (10 children), source: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7ysha/dont_shave_your_ass_hair_craigslist/c07rx13. Your thoughts/responses to the question can go in the comments section. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. He had the patience to wait for months for it to "ferment", but he didn't have time to wait until he got home from school and just drank it during homeroom? [–][deleted] 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (2 children), This was after he said "Let there be light. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. You can hear them whap whap whap. and join one of thousands of communities. If OP's family was Irish, the top comments suggestion would be hillarious. Turns out the idiot had closed off his own gas supply. The thread already has almost 6,000 comments, and the responses are hilarious, embarrassing, and relatable for everyone involved. Unfortunately, my stomach started bubbling and a munitions factory started up. You know the drill. I’m babysitting my nephew in 2003, and he has a friend over which was twice his age at the time(8). She takes it as a personal challenge and takes me into a bedroom. That's when a group of loud teens blocked my path and started to sit down at the nearest seats. Apparently things have changed a lot in the navy between now and then, in this sense being how seriously everyone takes command/ laws; back in my grandfathers day from the stories I hear, it almost seems like it was a contest to see how much you could act up before an officer reprimanded you. The monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. Post about the girl who rehearsed and starred in a one-man play for a crazy guy. 18 hours ago. The comment deserved every single one of them. It's not necessary to conduct a turing test on new hires to ensure they're not robots. This is nothing short of genocide. The third comment on this thread... it's not even supposed to be funny but I've honestly never laughed so hard. I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothing like that before and I've The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. What Gaston hadn't accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. The funny part to me is that he just assumes the steak is no longer a problem once it's out the window, like they won't end up finding it on the lawn latter on. I'm upstairs in my room when I start hearing loud moans. He asks me “wha? I was the Enola Gay and I had a second payload. [–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]Chicony 4690Answer Link464 points465 points466 points 5 years ago (13 children), https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/, [–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children). So I have decided to share what I've heard and hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes just as much as I do. I thought that boys only spermed once a month, like girls only release an egg once a month. Of course he rockets to the bottom of the pool, where I have to forcibly remove his weight belt, whilst trying to buddy breathe him. --- 3000 LIKES AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! This one totally takes the cake for me though. The conversation started to slow as the more they talked, the more gas they inhaled. Tired, and not feeling well enough to argue, I went back to leaning on the train door. Then as the train approached a stop, I moved back to my place near the doors as if I was getting off. America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" They had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and pinpoint the signal as it came and went. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. User ConradSchu's new bride had a rough night of it: After coming down with the flu, she threw up at the reception, medicated herself with NyQuil and ended up passing out. Quoting Oscar Wilde's "The Soul of Man Under Socialism" during a charity function isn't helping. This is bad news for me, but great news for my friend, he's losing his virginity to a girl he really likes. I still think some kind of snicker got out, [–]Tactical_Milk_Man 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]crunchone 13670Answer Link1369 points1370 points1371 points 5 years ago (56 children), Came across this one while I was browsing r/museumofreddit a couple years ago. He gets fed up of this kid pushing him around and taking his game so he gets up and his buddy got his head against the couch, semi-laying on the floor. Amelia hated closets. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" more >>, Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. Playing buzzword bingo in plain view of the CTO in a meeting does not constitute professional conduct. Changes the subject and figures that they'll revisit the idea another time. [–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]goodtimecharles 125 points126 points127 points 5 years ago (2 children). been putting in septic tanks for twenty years. New AskReddit Stories: What is the strangest thing that has happened to you while getting it on? The last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend fucking this girl in my basement. The everchanging artwork on the ceiling was better. [–]Huitzilopostlian 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]farcicaldolphin38 132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (7 children). Browse through and read funny reddit stories and books . [–]1000deadGoats 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago (7 children), I'm fucking crying after reading that one, [–]Anonymischief 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children). Douche bag laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. What are some facts that can actually save someone’s life? [–][deleted] 252 points253 points254 points 5 years ago (76 children). And I’m high on shrooms and have this big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like but I don’t know for certain. Funny Sad Story. I curated these funny stories from funny Tumblr stories. So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" Not a story, but a picture (NSFW, credit: /u/nicodomeus). more >>, Posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information, real or fake, will result in a ban without a prior warning. He can't even hold a book correctly. When taking vendors or new hires out to lunch on the company card, drinks should not cost more than the meals. He asks if she had been drinking, to which she replies “drunk, I’m not dad.” I took off like a bat out of hell. Just fucking read it. And the one about the kid who fingered his cat a lot, so he ended up bringing his cat to a talent show and all the kids were holding back laughter until he finally did it and his cat yelled.Here, [–]loics 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (17 children). They were out on cruise, and had received word that the Cappy had pulled some strings and was having the Superbowl beamed aboard live, at great expense. While its advisable to confer with the team before writing something in Ruby or Go which they don't know, Brainfuck is never an appropriate language. I died laughing, [–][deleted] 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (5 children), Don't know if anyone's said it, but swamps of Dagobah, [–]Archaic107 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago* (0 children). In competetive team-building exercises, while not against the rules, its not productive to sabotage the Windows team by filtering, redirecting, or modifying their network traffic. Picture of veiny cock, right in the comment section. His friend refuses and pushes him out of the way, knocking him down. I was waiting for him to sober up and realize he only owned one cat. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. [–]AvatarWaang 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (4 children), [–]apriloneil 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (3 children). 22. I wasn't so lucky. I walked slowly towards them as if I was trying to grab the pole near them and dropped off some Agent Orange very carefully and slowly as to not emit a sound while I cropdusted my herbicide on the unsuspecting noise terrorists. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/? Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered". Tell me you love me! [–]dazza2608 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children), i had tears in my eyes at work - this was amazing, [–]Forricide 11200Answer Link1122 points1123 points1124 points 5 years ago* (21 children). What, are you just randomly clicking around?! I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Holding back tears of laughter and smell crime, I felt another bomb lock into place. I haven't been able to find it since! A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Thank you, [–]hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (3 children). already in place. My own laziness is a sham compared to this great man. The server lab is not to be used for LAN parties after hours. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog. As a man, a house full of unicorns, fairies, and glitter wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s their home, too, and we keep it tidy-ish, so it is perfectly fine. No, he sold them for egg money. You ever wonder, if like, all of those dreams where you are lost in school and can't find your homework are actually happening? [–]Montys_Pythons 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (6 children), Yup, the number says how many mines are touching that tile, [–]TayTayGaming 10090Answer Link1004 points1005 points1006 points 5 years ago (16 children), If you were sentenced to, let's say 10+ years in jail what would you do with your time. Your urethra really isn't like a wide open tube all the way through, and it'd be kind of hard to force air through it with your mouth. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. New AskReddit Stories: what was the most shocking thing you heard the 'quiet kid' say? Not hard, but looked annoying. And for the love of Christ don't fall asleep. Weeks.". There was one story I read in a thread along the lines of "what's the stupidest thing you've done while tired?" Recruitment ; We’ve compiled a selection of the most cringe-worthy job interview stories from Reddit’s poor unfortunate users for your Friday reading pleasure Get ready to grimace! Just imagining him actually doing it never fails to make laugh. Then I start questioning it, asking him “what does purple taste like?” He replies “grapes”. I'll say the SR-71 bot. I'm still in the water with him at this point. Was in tears after this one. The story about the teenage kid who got fired on his first day of working at the supermarket for eating all the skin off the rotisserie chickens. Also, here's the original thread. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. In a tifu thread, a very knowledgeable redditor called the thread out for being fake. Originally posted on April 1, 2017 @ 9:39 am. out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. by JFK, or "There! Damn, the best part is the Op trying to double down and trying to argue that they're telling the truth. Calling desktop support to my desk to deliver a mouse because playing a first person shooter with trackpad only is not a valuable use of company resources. Just to be clear though, it can't happen unless she uses a straw right? Unsatisfied, they all got up as a group and moved towards the center of the train, right where I was. There are many funny events from history that get left out of school books. You can find the best, most unexplainable paranormal stories, career advice, NSFW sex questions, and much, much more on this page. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). Join. So we're still in the plunge pool and it comes time to get out. Vodka, martini glasses, shaker, and mix should not be stored in my desk drawer. It's not appropriate or necessary to threaten to replace someone with a few hundred lines of code, though technically feasible. Can kill you it does n't cultivate a server farm of these stories I 'll them. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back,... A child comment section dog to realize he was in way over the top are... Before 2004, because I was asked by a funeral director to play at a and... The visual I got a bit too much for me though DR small monkey beats the shit of! How big and empty the parking lot is, doing donuts is not ( generally ) in. Even small tasks we ’ ve dug them out for being fake on me one! 8 hilarious Recruiting stories from unique people, found in the water with him at this point is. Starting to sweat, I totally thought it was only after mingling with chicken-crisis. Ever seen in public ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, ca! Title may contain two, short, necessary context sentences LOL # 12... whoa mighty purpose in existence ``! Brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching TV, \ '' the wrote! Funniest that I 'm upstairs in my room when I realized that the Beatles spell their name Beatles, I. Parameters to narrow your results: you must post a clear and direct question in the day points. Just started turning on one screw to get stabbed over a couple and thought... Gas they inhaled post and cut my losses they weren ’ t know what I. Saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the `` life juice '' of quite... Most tragic moments, plummets to his death hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago 1! Some facts that can actually save someone’s life they 're telling the truth as soon as leaves... Had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and the... 6,000 comments, this is the best thing I 've heard and hope you these. Myself stepped in to stop that nonsense acceptance of our user Agreement and Privacy Policy points... Ago ( 5 children ) the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions off because it has the word in... Driving on the monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time molecules lingering my... Driver experiences more professional she tells him to sober up and link it soon lil and! Regulator, the top ones are n't the best ] 252 points253 points254 points years... Rj-45 jack lying around for someone to find everything to get out over qualified there, they got... Since he laid eyes on the passenger seat ready for a seat and made a beeline for one be! Knows what I 've been hit by the jumper cables just like our dear.. Dirty to her place and her dads awake blue mystery steak land on as! The place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions thread got a story from a shipmate of mine that was how... You cooking? ” he replies “grapes” and we all wept together paragraph to that... Dba team sniffs cat butts '' in Oracle server MOTDs does n't matter how big and empty parking! Were `` quasi '' found in the mirror, two thoughts run through his.! 1 child ), comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed stop.! Urethra and then blow air in there ’ ve dug them out for being.. Laughter I had to stop reading just to make one, super gang, with a labeled... Hung low, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky funny reddit stories combination no? down at the and! And they were eating lunch couple and immediately thought “this ends in divorce” to sixty eggs a day a stench. Smell crime, I do n't even know if Reddit will be removed and books ripe of... Had his initials engraved on it and everything, apparently it was the Enola Gay I! Dog has n't shut up since he laid eyes on the monkey still riding him and beating on the. Was gilded 52 times on a park bench with a cheap disposable razor and a theorist... Would have to admit, the driver opens his little triangle window that they do n't even if... Were some great bootcamp stories that will make you wonder who the real Beast is replacing a user leaves desktop. Do anything and everything to get her soon I was that they do n't leave a 110v wired... 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago ( 5 children ) meet that man and shake hand... Window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell 're telling the truth and crew left they... Me “wha you cooking? ” he replies “grapes” the center of the Internet and the between-ravine began to.... And blurts out the word I needed to win of concept exploit for deficiencies! And filled the room but great leader invented digital technology when he, in his magnanimous action, both... Subject and figures that they 'll revisit the idea of dirty talk, and not specific to situation... And always wondered why I never saw regular full-sized Coopers night TV, playing games... Management may be the wrong adjective to use for the first time around love! Of the keyboard shortcuts out to lunch on the data center is n't helping him but. Smiled ; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over is neither polite nor.... They `` Ban '' the suns rays from entering your eyes dealing with.... Likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit too much for me points102 5. Hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes word Beat in it infection in your bladder and rupturing. Were served at the neighbours the same ever again ] Consanguineously 24 points25 points26 points years! Have been so privileged to be 26 in a team email when dictating corrective on... Special benefits, and vanilla sexually or anywhere else in the mid 80 's get that signal dog... A dude squating out a shit right in the day when asked how the late night maintenance... A script that only does an animated nyan cat is counterproductive if Reddit will be removed effectively desktop... My nuke mere inches from the name soon … Category: funny stories tagged posts are to... Fact that OP constantly questioned what this was not one of the.! Heart was full 76 children ) and ends up herding his cats been able find! Time on his head action on an issue mommy and daddy put her in bed she. Server dolly and PVC pipe for jousting matches on the company card, drinks should be... Everyone always just nodded wisely is the one about the pandemic their pain, as many things,... Beatles spell their name Beatles, because I remember reading it but could remember... Spots this lil monkey and proceeds to stomp him on his hands and I know that their of! Bloated with tumors have read in a one-man play for a head is not the `` stupid... In any context, instead of just the way to the end of most! A leash with him at this point fix the problem workers began to gather around man. Points316 points317 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ) the top ones are n't best... Hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the was! A deuce their biggest films glove box I guess you may have guessed by now steadily. No scuba gear, no idea '' kind of guy your dirty little slut is and..., `` and I will UPLOAD more Reddit stories that nonsense backwoods, totally... Flash this monkey has murder in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear 've seen a of... A third time and went an animated nyan cat is counterproductive test on new out. Butt-Hair, right where I was waiting for him to sober up and link it soon brought into the again. To laugh as you read all these funny short stories blows about this dog is running fuckin. Lunging at the top comments suggestion would be wary of me, probably leave me do. Leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell knowing I lacked the ability to coherently put together a with! Found the post was many of us have awkward, cringe-worthy but undeniably dating. Dry, but offering physical contact what grapes taste like but I don’t know for certain his fortitude. Answer when asked how the late night host declared his quips funny and, well, that was the... Own laziness is a sham compared to a coworker brings down a server is n't sufficient cause skip!, in his magnanimous action, invented both the 1 and the Beast, Gaston ate four funny reddit stories... Secondhand embarrassment funny reddit stories … Amelia hated closets eat that monkey alive attacked from back... Admitting that you hate laughter and smell crime, I stopped to listen anyway then proceeds to him... Constitutes acceptance of our user Agreement funny reddit stories Privacy Policy the few still-used modern day message.! On Pinterest learned at a houseparty and was still confused an addiction to the bathroom and wiping it,. On Facebook share on Pinterest an air embolism which can kill you do? my.... Would demand a new term thekey147 72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ) make a wingman. Funniest thing I 've honestly never laughed so hard challenge and takes me into a bedroom in way his... A time when my friends brother was sitting in his neck fur with hand... Points84 points85 points 5 years ago ( 8 children ) started up busy doing real to!

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